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Fathers Differ in Parenting
1. FATHERS -- DIFFERENT IDEAS COME TO MIND
This week we begin a new series on Fathers--devoted to dads everywhere, but just as important for moms to read. In this new series, we'll explore the important and unique role dads play in the development of their children. We'll also look at tips dads can use for learning and growing together with their kids. Each person reading this may have a different image in mind with the word "Father." People describe fathers in many ways. What characteristics would you use to describe a "father?" What was your relationship like with your own father and in what ways are you alike or different from him? What do you feel is the most important thing a dad can do? Take some time this week to think and talk about these questions with your spouse or a friend.you'll be amazed at what you discover. 2. DADS MAKE A DIFFERENCE
Nothing can replace the influence a father has on his child. Research is clear, children benefit from a healthy relationship with a "dad." Many people may think that fathers are just substitute mothers, but in fact, what they contribute to the development of their children is irreplaceable. Studies have shown that, in general, fathers have a unique way of playing with, caring for, and communicating with their children. Research also shows that father presence leads to several benefits that show up in school performance, social adjustment, and healthy lifestyles. Hey Dad! I light up when I see you come in the door, because I know we're going to have a good time. You make even the little things fun, like when you do funny faces while you change my diaper. You sure help me have confidence in myself, and I learn that people go and come back when I see you leave and come home each day. There's no one like you! So, do not assume you are only second best, Dad. Your child benefits from having you change his diaper, feed him mashed peas, and take him for a walk. It is during the everyday activities that your child learns about you and about him or herself. "Quality Time" isn't something you need to find once a week, it's found in the Magic of Everyday Moments. 3. DADS-TO-BE
It's not unusual for dads-to-be to feel a little left out during the pregnancy. While the baby is both of yours, "mom" almost always gets more attention and care. Plus, there are lots of changes to adjust to with the mom-to-be--changes in shape and appetite, mood swings, and some worry about the developing baby. Here are some tips for getting involved in the pregnancy: • Attend some doctor visits with your partner. It's a great way to learn what's happening with the baby and what changes your partner is going through at each stage. • Develop healthy habits together. Trying to eat right, exercise, or cut out harmful habits is a lot easier when you do it together. • Read a parenting guide, such as Learning & Growing Together: Understanding and Supporting Your Child's Development, or watch a video on parenting with mom-to-be. • Prepare the home for your new little bundle of joy together. You can help set up the nursery, baby-proof the house, and get the car seat installed, as well as make decisions together about various plans--from getting to the hospital to career changes and caregiving decisions. • Take some time to do something special with just you and your partner…rent a movie, enjoy a relaxing meal, or take a day trip. Exciting and busy times are around the corner. 4. BABY BLUES AND DADS, TOO
Many talk of postpartum depression in moms, but Dads can also face an emotional struggle as well when a little one arrives. Dad is used to being mom's first choice. Now, the baby has all her attention. But, while it may seem that all they need is each other, you are very important to them, and they both need you a lot. Mom needs you to remind her of and help her to take care of her own needs as well as the baby's. And she needs you to help her feel less alone, as many new moms do. So don't leave the room when she's nursing, keep her company. Your baby needs you to feel and act like the important person you are in her life. The more time you spend with her and learn about her, the more you will understand her needs and feel comfortable and competent in caring for her. Your initiative in caring for your baby will also show mom that you can share the caregiving which will help her feel less stressed. So, take advantage of every opportunity to interact with and care for your child, and talk about how you feel with mom. Learning about your child's development can add to the excitement, as you discover what she'll do next. Great places to learn more are Developmental Milestones and BrainWonders. Here are some other fun things to try with your newborn: • Hold, cuddle, and carry her with you while you take a walk or watch t.v. • As you give her a bath, make funny faces and/or sounds, and be sure to • Try gently rubbing her belly or back with baby lotion. • Talk to her while you change her diaper. She'll grow to love your voice. 5. TIME WITH DAD
It's playtime when it's time with dad. Research has shown that one of the primary activities dads engage in when they spend time with their babies is active play. No wonder they are met with smiles, waving arms, and giggles when they enter the room. .six-month-old David loves being held above his Father's head high in the air. .one-year-old Nicole laughs as her Da-da chases her and tickles her belly. .two-year-old Eli tackles his Papa and wrestles with him on the floor. .three-year-old Marcia's favorite past-time is pretending to be a princess while her knight (Dad) lunges on the dragon (her teddy bear) and saves the kingdom. Playtime with dad is not only fun, but an important learning time. Exploring, moving, tumbling, pretending, singing, and running all help children learn about themselves and the world around them. Dads also are great at enrouraging their babies to try new things and, often to the chagrin of moms.take a few risks. So, go outside in the park or backyard, or clear some space in the family room on a rainy day.and make room for some active fun with Dad and baby. Visit our past Tip Series on Play. 6. PROBLEM-SOLVING
Infants who are "well fathered" tend to be more secure and curious and less hesitant or fearful in exploring the world around them. The more active play style of dads combined with the tendency to hold off giving immediate help to a frustrated child may serve to promote problem-solving. Children of involved fathers tend to have a greater tolerance for stress and frustration and may be better able to wait their turn. Little 20-month-old Tamisa loves to play with the pots and pans while her parents fix dinner. She joyfully clinks and clanks them as she stacks one inside the other. She diligently tries to fit each lid on its matching pot, and after several attempts at using the wrong lid, starts to fidget and cry in frustration. Dad looks down from the hamburgers he's making and smiles. Instead of picking up the correct lid and fixing the pot problem, he points to another lid to try. After a few seconds, Tamisa tries the lid. Her tears stop and she claps her hands and giggles at Dad. Also visit our past tips on Goal-Directed Behavior, Curiosity, and Confidence. Research Reference: "Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child," by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. 7. FATHERS AND CHILDREN: STRONGER THINKING SKILLS
Numerous research studies have pointed to the association between a nurturing, involved father and a child's strengthened thinking (or cognitive) skills. While intelligence is a product of many different factors, their may be aspects of male styles that support a child's intellectual development. For instance, men often have a special interest in analytical skills such as math and problem-solving. In addition, a father's care may combine with a mother's to affect how children think of their own abilities.and therefore affect how well they do in school. Studies have paid special attention to the benefits of fathers spending time reading to their children. Time spent can often be a strong predictor of many thinking abilities, particularly of daughter's verbal skills. So, Dads, if you're looking for something special to do, go grab a few story books or make up a story of your own. Your baby will love to listen to you. Don't forget those silly voices! Visit our past tip series on Reading Together. Research Reference: "Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child," by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. 8. FATHERS AND CHILDREN: SOCIAL SKILLS
"Social competence plays a major role in what makes our kids good citizens," writes Dr. Pruett. Here, too, we see some interesting effects of a father's role. In particular, research has shown that fathercare does indeed affect attachment and empathy in children. Children of involved fathers tend to be more securely attached and show higher levels of empathy. It also appears that fathers who play an involved role in the care of their children have children with less gender role stereotypes. Sam, who is one, is familiar with the big hands that scoop him up and take him to the changing table for a new diaper. His dad, Eric, has helped with his baths, dinners, and diapers since the day he was born. For Eric, the few weeks he was able to take off of work right after Sam's birth hold some of his best memories. Even since he went back to work, however, Eric has taken advantage of all the opportunities to interact with his son while he's home. It seems like they have a special bond together. Sam can't say much yet, but his going to daddy for comfort when he cries or just showing dad one of his toys lets Eric know he's important to his son. Also see "How Men and Children Affect Each Other's Development," an article by Dr. Pruett that appeared in the Zero to Three Journal. Research Reference: "Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child," by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. 9. FATHERS AND CHILDREN: SELF-CONTROL
Among all the research on father involvement, there is one area of study that holds particular interest for parents in this day and age: self-control. Research has shown that children who have fathers that are involved in positive ways in their lives tend to display less impulsivity and more self-control. In addition, positive father care has been shown to be associated with positive moral behavior--in both boys and girls. Dads, one way you can help your child learn self-control is by setting limits and modeling appropriate behavior. When you gently correct your young child, you help him understand right and wrong. As he watches you in day to day life, interacting with mom, other kids, or neighbors, he learns how to treat and care for others. • Actions - Young children learn with their eyes. Monkey
• Begin with Babies - Start the relationship early. It's
easier to build than make up for lost time later. • Consistency - It brings order to their world.
Visit our past tip series on Self-Control. Research Reference: "Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child," by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. 10. FATHERS AND CHILDREN: PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
Sound too unusual that fathers can even affect their childrens' physical development? Maybe so, but some researchers have found it to be true. A relationship was even found relating a father's presence at the birth of his baby with less complications and newborn illnesses. Another study concluded that this may be because mothers probably felt less lonely, fearful, and confused, because the father was present. In addition, fathers involved in the care of their infants may have babies with higher motor (physical) abilities, perhaps due to their more active play, which encourages a baby to discover what his little body is capable of doing. Dads-to-be, you may be feeling a little nervous about the upcoming delivery room experience--some of you may be more anxious than the moms. Take heart that although this experience can seem scary, it is one you will treasure for the rest of your life. In addition, you will be helping mom feel much more at ease which will benefit the delivery experience and the baby. If you are feeling anxious, there are some things you can do: • Attend pre-natal visits to find out as much as you can about the baby's development and the physical changes taking place in the mother's body. Meet the doctor that will most likely deliver your baby and ask about what to expect. • Take a birthing class with your partner. It will give you an opportunity to learn what to expect, what choices the two of you have, how to prepare, and answers to your questions. • Find ways to help comfort your partner during labor. Taking an active role can help you take your focus off your anxiety and put it to work to help her. • Talk with other dads (and moms) who have already been through this experience. They can be a great source of information. Research Reference: "Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child," by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. 11. DADS: ALL SHAPES AND SIZES
As we mentioned at the beginning of this series, every person has a different picture when they think of what "Father" means. For some, it paints a picture of a person they never had a chance to know or one they never get to see. When that person is not present in their lives, it can feel like a part of themselves is missing. However, "Dad" does not have to mean a biological father. For many, "Dad" is found in a step-father, adopted father, uncle, grandfather, neighbor, or coach. These male figures can play a significant role in the life of a child--showing love and nurturing care from a male perspective that a young child is anxious to discover. Men, you might be a male presence in a young child's life. Don't miss the opportunity to be that male figure that he or she is seeking to learn from and love. Women, welcome opportunities to allow other male figures to care for and nurture your children when their biological father is not present. By taking advantage of the community of resources we have in friends, family members, and neighbors, we can provide a wealth of opportunities for children to give and receive love and care. 12. 24-HOUR DADS
A dad-to-be in a parenting class once commented that moms are more important than dads and said, "after all, moms are mothers 24-hours a day." It's important for all of us to remember that both parents are equally important for children--helping them learn and grow in different ways. Dads are dads 24-hours a day, just as are moms. Since many dads are often the main salary-earners, they are more often the ones at work and away from the baby. Whether it is changing a diaper or earning a paycheck to pay for the diaper, both are important to a baby's healthy development. A dad may be the primary caregiver or he may have a job that requires extra energy to balance work and family. He never stops being a dad, just as his child never stops having a dad--although the time together may vary. The challenge is in making time to spend together, whether it's going for a walk, giving a bath, reading a book, or feeding a spoonful of mashed peas while saying, "here comes the train!" Dad, with you in the picture, your baby will grow and learn even more.

Source: http://www.cdrcp.com/pdf/Fathers%20Differ%20in%20Parenting.pdf