Everybody has seen me by now

Neither Name Nor Snow: Ingrid Storholmen
Translation: Teji Grover
1. From “Skamtalen.Graceland” 2005

Have you nothing to say? – nothing to say
You do not exist? – do not exist
May I see you? – see you
See me? – see me
Your body, it is gone? – is gone
Must you be filled by others? – filled by others
You do not exist alone – alone
Are you lonely? – lonely
Do you not feel ashamed? – ashamed ashamed shamed
Punished for talking too much –
2. From “Krypskyttarloven” 2001

You shall find the name of the snow
I go from snowdrift to snowdrift: what is your name, little hailstone
I have gathered so many names, pretty names like Tankanama,
Lendale, Ormadatina, Finkalatala, Jutipanano, Shibboleth
I have written the names on small, white pieces of paper
that fall from my pocket; I can see them in the snow
they are hard to distinguish: white on white on my eye
How can I tell the paper with the name from the snow
but suddenly I find something: neither name nor snow
Covered by winter without betraying a single colour

3. From “Skamtalen. Graceland” 2005

My shame has a problem with me
I don’t want to be ashamed, says the writing
I want to write your dick into me

I shall be celebrated on the Day of Shame
I feel what is written
everybody is leaving
are you coping with your life
shame’s slave
Even the betrayal betrays you then
Descendant of someone that somebody was ashamed of
Left by someone left, oneself a leaver
green, aching. Gaping and shut, F i lth and remains: Traces of phrases, claims, degree of reliability
Phrases in rolls around my belly
Someone might have laughed, they laughed, so laughable to believe, to imagine
The couple isn’t complete. One is missing. You. I?
That’s how it must be
That’s close to how it was
I cannot possibly describe it Why am I lying? Are you a dog? No. Yes. A bitch in the heat, with large protruding teats for you to lick Bite off my teats and swallow! Are you fantasizinges of fucking a dog? Here I am with a smelly tongue and hole Here I come to savage you with my shame growl! Later on: The carcass of a dog far off the road, where it hid away to die only the row of teeth to tell of the predator boiling eyes Are you still here, voyeur? I thought I had chased you by now Cleansing the eyes Cryptobiotic state. Overgrown incubator I don’t want you, because you want me It is no PROCESS, I don’t want to edit myself. “I am” No When she was shameless I was ashamed to be ashamed conjuring the shame No! Prowling on two feet and one hand, a stinking bastard Had I had a little shame I would never have written Everybody has seen me by now it is way too late to be human too late to get quiet Burning myself to get warm enough to live I meet you again and continue to rage You rip me apart at the very same place I cut myself up: my mouth, what I am and the silence I lost rain: Orfiril, stilnokt, imovane remeron, White. Anaesthesia. Water. Tablets floating. Pearls.
White chains. Plastic.
Must shine not speak. Posit myself as my own sculpture.
To say is not to say, kiss me, lip.
“Fade away, within”
White is a sound (that I associate with you
What is white to you?

Source: http://pratilipi.in/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Neither-Name-Nor-Snow-by-Ingrid-Storholmen.pdf


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